Why?

'Why' is a silly question, really, because it is too big for my little mind.

In BSF this week, we studied the passage including this verse: "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law." (Deuteronomy 29:29 NIV)

The context of this verse was the renewal of the covenant with Israel, and in particular the consequences for disobedience and for obedience. The surrounding nations would ask 'Why?' when Israel suffered consequences for straying from God. In my case, I am fairly confident that I'm not being punished, as was the context for the quote above. But I do take the point that these are the 'secret things' of God and I am not going to grasp them. What I can grasp is that which He has revealed clearly, and that is all I need to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

If there is a Scriptural principle for my situation, I prefer to think of the blind man of John 9, where Jesus taught a powerful visual lesson about Him being the 'light of the world': 

"As he (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” (John 9:1-5 NIV)

Jesus, of course, healed the blind man, and I hope and anticipate that He will do so for me too, though through less earthy means than soil and saliva.

Even though the 'Why' probably belongs in the category of 'secret things', I can't help but ponder this question. I'll elaborate on my conclusions below.

Spiritual battle: For several years now I've been wanting to work with a particular ethnic group in south-west China, but there has always been one reason or another why I can't do much more than be an enthusiastic spectator. Finally, it seemed, I was able to study more about that group and get involved in hands-on work both here in Australia and in Asia. And now cancer treatment interferes with that plan. Anecdotal evidence suggests that people involved in reaching out to that group suffer a disproportionately high level of physical, relational and other afflictions. Am I another anecdote?  

For over three years now, I've been growing my hair in an effort to 'fit in' with the women from that group. Actually, I've later realized that long hair doesn't matter as much as I once thought, given that the rest of me is undeniably 'foreign'. Nevertheless, when I first received the cancer diagnosis, my immediate reaction was to say, "If I lose my hair through treatment, then I am most certainly blaming The Enemy." Hopefully I won't, but time will tell. I've been warned that my hair may thin and become brittle, but hopefully I won't lose it all. .

(Sorry about the formatting glitch ... I'm stumped with it.)

Growth in holiness: In some reading for the MST subject ‘Spiritual Formation’, I was challenged about how ‘work’ or ‘ministry’ can become an end in itself rather than a way we participate with God in His work.  I admit that this is a temptation for me - one to which I succumb when life gets busy. One passage I read from JI Packer (which I quoted in a newsletter a while back) and which touched me deeply is this:

“One of the disciplines to which the Lord calls us is the willingness, from time to time, not to be used in significant ministry…. Imagine, now, a devoted and gifted Christian woman, whose ministry has been precious to her, finding that for quite a long period the Lord sidelines her so that her potential is not being used. …. It is … a lesson in Christ’s school of holiness. The Lord is reminding her that her life does not depend on her finding that people need her. The prime source of her joy must always be the knowledge of God’s love for her….  Regarding her ministry, what matters is that she should be available to Him. Then He will decide when and how to put her to service again and she should leave that with Him.”

 J.I. Packer, Rediscovering Holiness, pp.199-200 Servant Publications, 1994

Working very hard for a long time: I gave a presentation on the topic of 'work' as part of the 'Pastoral Care' subject I'm doing at MST, and specifically focused on 'overwork' as an occupational hazard for those of us who work in 'creative access nations'. We usually have a number of sometimes non-overlapping roles and there are great expectations put on us by ourselves and others. As part of my preparation, I read an enlightening little book called 'Confessions of a Workaholic' by Wayne Oates. I identified well with it. Over the past few years, I've mostly enjoyed trying to be everything to everyone - working to support foreigners who live there, ongoing language study, working with local people in ways that will always be the highlight of my recent overseas stint, visiting and taking a great interest in people in the mountains near where I lived, keeping up good communications with people back in Australia who enabled me to stay there etc. In the book, 'Confessions of a Workaholic', the author suggested that people like me are more prone to such serious illnesses as they reach their 40s and 50s. (Mind you, I was and remain somewhat of a legalist for taking a weekly rest day.) On top of that, in my role in member care these past couple of years, I heard many stories of people for whom I cared deeply and carried a degree of the emotional weight as a result. I don't regret this one little bit. But I do wonder if all this somehow played into this physical health crisis? I'll never know. And I'm getting a good break from it all now, doing very little for a while. 

The consequences of our decaying creation: Maybe I'm being too deep and meaningful with these 'Why' questions. People develop different health issues all the time, so why should I be exempt? Risk factors for my type of cancer include being overweight and never having had children, both of which are true for me. It's ironic, really, because I live quite a healthy lifestyle otherwise. Okay - perhaps I drink too much coffee, but thankfully, that is documented as NOT a risk factor for this type of cancer. Regardless, I will make a concerted effort to live an even healthier lifestyle in the future, and to carry less weight. I've put this in writing - hold me to it please, friends!

A thorn in the flesh - a messenger of Satan - displaying God's power:  I don't want to lift myself up to the level of the apostle Paul, but Paul's situation of God glorifying Himself through Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' resonates. Who did Paul blame regarding his ‘thorn in the flesh’? He wrote, “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”   (1 Cor 12:7b-9)

Developing passionate patience:  Finally, I return to what has become my 'theme verse' for this chapter of life:“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)

Why? It's a complex question and my mind is too small to grasp the answers. I'l just chalk it up to 'the secret things of God' and be content to know that He is working in and through me for His purposes. I think Paul came to the same conclusion, because he wrote these encouraging words in a section about 'present sufferings and future glory': "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him , who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28 NIV)